I started writing this post in 2022. When I read back what I wrote, it’s amazing to see how we grow. Even though the core message of this post is still the same, growth has shown me how distance does not always mean permanent separation. If anything, finishing what I started in 2022 has shown me why, with some people, distance is the best way love shows up.

When I started writing this back in 2022, I caught myself thinking of an old friend. I reminisced about the amazing times we had shared but also how I didn’t see them fitting in my life anymore. As we grew apart, I thought of how I had taken a distance to keep loving this person with purity of intent. It was while thinking about this old friend that I noticed that distance can be an expression of love. Three years later, these observations and inspirations have shown me that sometimes, our distance is the highest expression of love we can give to ourselves and some of the people we love.

So just to give a little bit of context regarding the dynamic that basically inspired the initial post three years ago, I remember how at a certain point whenever I would see something this old friend posted online, I felt a sense of disconnection. I caught myself rolling my eyes a couple of times at what they’d post on their Instagram to the point I even had to “mute” this person for a couple of months so I wouldn’t be exposed to their expressions. I also thought about the last time we met up in person and how we were vibrating at such different wavelengths that being together didn’t feel comfortable to me. Our conversations didn’t flow. We weren’t vibing.

These signals gave me a notice that distance would work best to maintain a sense of purity towards this person. It serves no one to be giving out or receiving judgmental energy, especially when they’re just being themselves, even as unintentionally as this can happen.

I wanted to stay in a place of purity of intention and love when thinking about this person. I wanted to come out of a place of kindness. And I knew that my judgment and eye-rolling are not manifestations of love. My well-meaning intentions, thoughts, and deeds are.

In distancing myself from this person and several other people since, I’ve been giving myself and the people in question the highest expression of love I can; I give myself as well as them the grace to be kind in my thoughts towards them, with the given the circumstances and awareness that we are in different spaces, energetically speaking.

This experience and a few other moments where distance brought lightness and light have shown me that, as much as it hurts sometimes, the best thing to do to honor the love and purity of intent I have for some people is to take some steps back and love them from afar.

Conscious and intentional separations to stay within the field of love may feel counterintuitive, but I believe that decisions like these hold much compassion in them for both ourselves and the people in question.

What am I gonna say? ‘Hey I don’t like the person you’re becoming, please change so I can like you again?’ No, I don’t need to ask people to change to my liking for them to fit in my heart. But having a space in my heart doesn’t mean that you have to have a space in my life. Not if we are not energetically compatible anymore. Only people worth my observations will have a conversation. The beautiful thing about these conversations, as life has shown me, is that they end up happening sooner or later. I’m now learning how to have them intentionally and sooner rather than later.

But how do you even begin taking steps back from people you love?

After a few fuck-ups, where I backed the fuck up without giving any notice whatsoever, or giving harsh notices that left no room for conversation, I have now learned that honesty and communication are also faces of love, as are grace and compassion. I’ve also learned that I don’t need to explain myself unless there’s a feeling to do so; I don’t need to communicate my distance unless I want to.

I had to learn that separations have degrees. To remove myself from engaging with an acquaintance that I don’t see potential of a friendship in, is different than separating myself from a close friend I’ve had for over a decade. Or my first love who happened to have influenced my first heartbreak. (I’ve experienced all these examples, by the way.)

I also should note that distance doesn’t have to be caused by something dramatic like betrayal. Sometimes it’s about resonance. Sometimes it’s about expectations and standards.

After some time of actively practicing distance as an expression of love, I realized that some of the people we love who we are distancing ourselves from also deserve to know this. Distance hurts.

Whatever the reason, we owe it to ourselves to be honest about where we stand in our relationships and who we feel deserves a conversation about our distance.

Don’t discard the possibility of a reunion

One of the major edits in this post is how sometimes distance leads to reconnection. Distance as an expression of love reconnects people who were once set apart. I personally believe that this is because the leading motivation to take a distance is to honor love – and love always finds its way back to itself.

I have reconnected with people I haven’t spoken to in half a decade, and my soul has gravitated again to people I did not think I would speak to again. Experiences such as these have shown me what grace looks like and how love works. Inspired by these moments, I wrote a piece you’ll find in my book, Soul Poetry Volume I: The Return:

Even though distance does not have to be caused by something dramatic or intense, sometimes it is actually needed to protect ourselves or to heal. Sometimes the disconnection with others happens because we must first reconnect with ourselves. And once that happens, I’d like to believe that fate will reconnect us with the people we’re meant to reconnect with.

While I have had to learn painful lessons because of how I go about my boundaries, the more I embody loving from a distance, the more I understand the concept of people being out of sight but not out of mind.

Not only that, but having someone cross our minds and being able to think well of them and send love to them can be the greatest gift we can give someone we love, even if we are no longer “connected”, so to speak.

When I think of the people that no longer have access to me like they used to, I tend to remember the good times and send them love, for I don’t need them to be around nor do I need them to be part of my life for them to have a space in my heart. I have learned that my love from a distance is a form of love with no conditions; I need not be in touch to feel love for someone. While my love may not have conditions, being in relationship with me has prerequisites. Being in my proximity comes with standards. Receiving my attention comes with conditions.

Know thyself

I know what resonates with me and what doesn’t. As we keep growing, people who used to shake our worlds or make our hearts burst may stop doing so. Our interests change. Our needs change. What used to fulfill us may not do so anymore. So, how can you honor the self that you’re growing into while still loving people who used to mean the world to you but do not anymore? How do you keep blessing someone who you no longer resonate with? I have found something that works for me: distance. Not my first resort, but definitely a blessing in itself.

Staying true to myself and honoring where I’m now in life unapologetically and uncompromisingly sometimes requires removing people that I no longer resonate with from my attention field and out of sight, in such a way that love can still be found when I think of them.

Deciding to distance myself from some people is my way of maintaining my purity of intent and love for these people when all else fails. Love never fails, but how we show up for the people we love does.

I hope that we can remember that our resources are our responsibility to keep protected, and we don’t owe them to anyone. Your love, your time, your attention, your energy, your money, your insights and wisdom, your knowledge and experiences… All these things are yours to spend in the best way that serves you. And after you, those around you.

Do what you need to do to protect the purity that love has, without tainting it with judgment, resentment, or other energies that are not conducive for love to flourish. In due time, the people meant to stay in our lives will find their way back to our lives. When the time is right, our souls will again gravitate to relationships that are rooted in love and aligned with our paths.

Take care of your heart, dear.

With love,
Jun 🤎

Ready to dive deeper into the journey of return?

This post is part of The Return Stories series, offering context to the themes in my book, Soul Poetry Volume I: The Return. If these reflections resonated with you, you’ll find even more wisdom and poetry to nourish your soul within its pages. You can find more about The Return and purchase it HERE.